I took the eplunge and weighed myself. I actually lost another 2 lbs- which is a miracle based on the month we have had. Nothing but stress. Stress for me usually means coconut cream pies and more. So I am a svelte 308 now. Hardly worht changing the picture in my header :-)
I have been going through this weird phases where I push my own addictions on the family. I some how convince myself that my family needs and wants dessert every day- when in fact it is usually me that ends up eating half- or more of it. I am now in the habit of making graham cracker crust pies. We have made 2 coconut cream, a key lime and one butterscotch banana pie in the last 2 weeks. I foget that I CANNOT bring this stuff in to the house. I don;t know how I delude myself. I am like the smoker who thinks he will never get lung cancer.
It’s a fact- when women dine in a restaurant theat eat 288 calories MORE than if they ate a meal at home. According to this artcle by USA today- one of the best ways to stop yourself from over indulging is to avoid resautrant size portions.
Read the article here: Eat Less – Avoid Restaurants
Yes, You guessed it.. fell off the wagon. Not jumped off the wagon and ate myself into oblivion- but balance in my life is way off kilter. I have not gone to the gym. I have done very little exercise. I have made MOSTLY good food choices. I am feeling bit crummy about myself. My sex life has really petered out since last baby. It could also be weight gain. I was very heavy ( 275) when husband met me but I feel really big now. I am quite tall- 5′ 10″ and weight is pretty evenly distributed- but being heavy and feeling “ugly” is new phenomenon to me- and it has impacted my intimate life- lacking confidence I suppose.
After holiday weekend will go to gym. I do some consulting work at home and I am behind so every free minute I am trying to work.
I have avoided writing because I feel like I am in a tailspin I can’t get out of. I haven’t felt this bad in a long time. I am having great difficulty sleeping- staying up til 4 am most nights the past week. Last Friday I didn’t get to sleep until an unbelievable 6:30 am. Mostly because of RLS ( restless leg syndrome).Then I am tired and just awful the next day. I feel like I have really let my kids down- done nothing but yell at my poor daughter last few days. Husband has been away and even though house has been a disaster I decided it was to to repaint bath room and a bedroom- so whole house a shambles. And yes- you guessed it- no gym and bad habits creeping in. I do feel proud of myself for trying to keep problem foods out of the house. I was VERY tempted to pick up cheesecake at grocery store today and then I put pack of these Hershey peppermint patty cookies in the cart for “the kids” – but I did put back. Really I just can’t have certain foods in the house. Its weird- my husband loves chips and I could care less- but any kind of cake, cookie, pie, muffin or ice cream I just can;t have around- its like I am agitated knowing something is in the house and I have to it it just to get rid of it. Sometimes I hate what i am eating but just force myself. It is very weird. I apologise for the stream of consciousness- I am trying to get everything out as I think it so maybe I can get some insight into what my problem is- other than too much food and not enough exercise. At any rate- a lot of failures today. Made a mayonnaise dip to go with steamed artichokes. Made nachos with melted Monterrey Jack cheese for dinner, drank almost a litre of freshly squeezed orange juice. Missed my regular breakfast of protein and berry smoothie ( kids experimented with the LAST bag of milk… more yelling) . What raccoon got into garbage.. youngest took off his diaper and a real mess on carpet. gosh- whining now. I just feel rotten. Like worst mother in the world. House is disaster and realize how much I depend on my husband to help out.
Needless to say- still no gym. Husband back from his trip so will go back them. Will try and look at today’s successes.
Did not yell . I am not a yelling kind of person so when I do get that way it rattles me. Had nice time at park with youngest. Put back trigger foods when grocery shopping. Got spare room cleared out. Posted here and stopped avoiding.
Tomorrow is another day. I will have breakfast. I will drink my water. I will clear hall way out. I will pack decent lunch for picnic tomorrow. I will get some sleep.
I have nit been to gym in a week- the heat has just been unreal- Almost 42 degrees. I have actually wanted to go to gym but we had company all weekend, then not working from home this week, then heat, etc. Lots of excuses I know. I just want to sit in cool air conditioned house. I have been drinking tons of water- more than usual- and paying special attention to having breakfast in the morning.
One of my problems in the summer is ice cream. We have a habit of going out for ice cream all the time and some how it is “okay” .
I am doing well with saying no to cookies, cakes and sweets. I don’t think my eating has gone so well this week.
Had berry smoothie for breakfast, orange and some salad for lunch. Tortilla chips and salsa for snack, Pad Thai for dinner ( lots of oil in that… almost 500 calories) but I was STARVING and ate next to nothing all day. Also had small bowl of ice cream. Over all- did okay today but sure wish I could get to the gym.
Will do weigh in on Friday or Saturday- if meet my goal I will get a new picture up.
I will lost 3 pounds of fat.
I will drink tons of water.
I will not beat myself up for having a bad week.
I will remember to eat breakfast and not get trapped into being starving in the afternoon and eating whatever I want.
I will go to gym tomorrow and Monday- no matter what.
I will set myself up for success.
I will remember that I am doing this because I love my children and my husband and if I don’t get control of my overeating I will die and leave them without a mother.
I was on a real high last week- I am down to 140 kg 144 a month ago. That’s 318 to 308lbs.
I was doing great up until last weekend when my car broke down. Was over the long weekend and we had tons of company and our other car was in use most of the time so I didn’t get to the gym- plus my allergies/cold have been terrible. Lots of excuses I know. I forced myself to go Tuesday night and was just miserable . Gym was PACKED and couldn’t get on any of the machines. Normally I go during the day and the gym was filled with students. No luck getting on any one of the 20 elliptical trainers and the area where I do weight training which is normally dead- I had to wait to use most of the machines. Was a disaster.
The Wednesday was a donut incident- some one brought donuts to a function I was at and I had one. Then cookies later that day, etc so a real slippery slope. For sure If I don’t; make proper meals and make a point of having breakfast or a protein smoothie shake then i am headed for trouble. This week my goal will be to make sure I always have a protein shake ( vanilla protein powder . milk and frozen berries) or decent breakfast and not wait to long to eat.
So yesterday evolved into buying my “kids” a coconut cream pie for dessert and then today was so-so- we were out shopping all day and I feel like I haven’t eaten a real meal today. I did okay at Starbucks with a hot skim milk and shot of sugar free vanilla – then celebrated with a molasses cookie. ARGH. So feeling pretty down on myself. Compared to last week I feel like such a failure.
Anyway- will start tomorrow of with a good healthy start.
Weight: 140 kgs or 308 lbs- for a total loss of ten pounds. This is encouraging given there were a few rough spots this week.
Stats: 318 lbs
Height 5′ 7″
I joined a gym this week. I of course feel awkward going there- the gym is mostly University students working on their buff bodies and I am by far the largest person I have seen there. The staff are friendly and nice. I certainly dont feel overly uncomfortable there. I start off with 10 minutes on elliptical trainer and then about an hour with weight machines and situps. I will post my routine another time.