I have avoided writing because I feel like I am in a tailspin I can’t get out of. I haven’t felt this bad in a long time. I am having great difficulty sleeping- staying up til 4 am most nights the past week. Last Friday I didn’t get to sleep until an unbelievable 6:30 am. Mostly because of RLS ( restless leg syndrome).Then I am tired and just awful the next day. I feel like I have really let my kids down- done nothing but yell at my poor daughter last few days. Husband has been away and even though house has been a disaster I decided it was to to repaint bath room and a bedroom- so whole house a shambles. And yes- you guessed it- no gym and bad habits creeping in. I do feel proud of myself for trying to keep problem foods out of the house. I was VERY tempted to pick up cheesecake at grocery store today and then I put pack of these Hershey peppermint patty cookies in the cart for “the kids” – but I did put back. Really I just can’t have certain foods in the house. Its weird- my husband loves chips and I could care less- but any kind of cake, cookie, pie, muffin or ice cream I just can;t have around- its like I am agitated knowing something is in the house and I have to it it just to get rid of it. Sometimes I hate what i am eating but just force myself. It is very weird. I apologise for the stream of consciousness- I am trying to get everything out as I think it so maybe I can get some insight into what my problem is- other than too much food and not enough exercise. At any rate- a lot of failures today. Made a mayonnaise dip to go with steamed artichokes. Made nachos with melted Monterrey Jack cheese for dinner, drank almost a litre of freshly squeezed orange juice. Missed my regular breakfast of protein and berry smoothie ( kids experimented with the LAST bag of milk… more yelling) . What raccoon got into garbage.. youngest took off his diaper and a real mess on carpet. gosh- whining now. I just feel rotten. Like worst mother in the world. House is disaster and realize how much I depend on my husband to help out.
Needless to say- still no gym. Husband back from his trip so will go back them. Will try and look at today’s successes.
Did not yell . I am not a yelling kind of person so when I do get that way it rattles me. Had nice time at park with youngest. Put back trigger foods when grocery shopping. Got spare room cleared out. Posted here and stopped avoiding.
Tomorrow is another day. I will have breakfast. I will drink my water. I will clear hall way out. I will pack decent lunch for picnic tomorrow. I will get some sleep.